tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post8089088901896805441..comments2024-03-06T03:23:51.904-08:00Comments on Surviving Middle-Aged Widowhood: A Tale of Two Pantries - In Two PartsWidow in the Middlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-53324756617970540092010-12-03T12:39:01.538-08:002010-12-03T12:39:01.538-08:00Jeane - 14 cans of black olives? How bizarre but I...Jeane - 14 cans of black olives? How bizarre but I am laughing! I have never received any olives. As of Jan., it will be one year that I have had to go to food pantries to survive. I agree with you - why is it so surprising to others that widows/widowers are suffering financially? What is even harder is the lack of emotional/physical support available to us. We end up doing the job that used to be accomplished by two. We are sometimes bone weary at the end of the day and I suffer from countless headaches from stress and worry. Then I start worrying about liver damage from popping so many pain relievers! Your observation about how quickly the house of cards can tumble is also accurate. Plus, it takes time to rebuild. While we're trying to do so, we still have to survive and eat.<br /><br />I debated posting about this at all but am glad I did if for only the reason that it reached you and you could know that you are not alone. The first few times I went to pantries I actually sobbed as I picked up the food (it is that humiliating and hard). Now I don't cry but like you feel down after going there. No one wants to go to a pantry but I remind myself that everything I am doing is for the benefit of my sons and that makes it a little easier for me right now.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-18575723442083296482010-12-03T11:44:32.455-08:002010-12-03T11:44:32.455-08:00I hadn't read this blog as of yet, but have be...I hadn't read this blog as of yet, but have been there in my life so many times, I am afraid to count. Thank you for sharing this. I thought that I was alone with this. I have done pretty much what you have during the month to survive, and wonder how we will get through to the next. Instead of all that peanut butter, we have a supply of black olives (around 14 cans). I too worry because of the lack of fresh ingredients in our diets. When you spoke about how the people treat you when you are there, I cried. I feel so down after leaving a food pantry because I am humiliated. <br />I know you are striving for things to be better, and in many ways you are pursuing them positively. Our lives aren't perfect, and there are some areas that will take longer. The financial area for anyone is hard now-a-days but I think for widows/widowers it is worse. We lost not only a husband/wife, but a person who brought income into the household along with us. Take that income away, and see the house of cards fall really fast. I don't see why people are surprised when they hear of the financial strife you go through, it is part of the problem when you lose a loved one. <br />Thank you for your prayers for my family and myself, especially during the holidays. You are always in my prayers as well.Jeannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01897992155359266363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-52726894160157012742010-12-01T16:25:41.962-08:002010-12-01T16:25:41.962-08:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-41088195096863341202010-12-01T12:15:53.031-08:002010-12-01T12:15:53.031-08:00In response to your question about the costs, hone...In response to your question about the costs, honestly I do not know the answer. I did find this which is close to you if I remember correctly. <br /><br />http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/chicago-garden/2010/11/growing-home-inc-coldframe-workshop-this-saturday.html<br /><br />It might be a good source of information, or at least something to consider. As far as cost, I have no idea. An indoor garden has always appealed to me for freshness, variety and year round availability but I have not pursued it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-59882350741089345532010-12-01T10:51:44.320-08:002010-12-01T10:51:44.320-08:00Dearest Friend - Oh thank you for writing because ...Dearest Friend - Oh thank you for writing because I know you know where I am coming from. Yes, it can become harder before it gets easier! We live in this crazy society that expects us to just get back up, dust ourselves off and go along on our merry way. I think as things get worse economically more people will become sympathetic to the fallen. In the meantime, I'm trying to hang in there although at times like this I want to throw in the blog towel. Anyway, it is very, very cold and snowy here and I think it best not to start the knitting club tonight - they are celebrating a bunch of birthdays and I feel as though I would be intruding/imposing. I am not wimping out. I really believe there is a right time and place to start things. I see the new year as the right time to join a group like this. Oh, gosh, I hope somebody doesn't blast me for this too (just kidding!). Hope to communicate with you again soon - you have sustained my hope and sanity today!Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-85442070811237726142010-12-01T10:44:43.423-08:002010-12-01T10:44:43.423-08:00#2 A - Thank you for commenting. One of the aspec...#2 A - Thank you for commenting. One of the aspects of my life that I have tried to convey is that when you have suffered loss and losses whether they be from a spouse's death, job termination, or having to move, you are at a reduced state of coping and even living. Hardly at your best to be brainstorming creatively! Sometimes it is difficult to just get up and face the day. Not to mention the stress and strain that can result in actual physical symptoms.<br /><br />Anyway, both my sons had seasonal jobs this summer. We are in a very hard hit area job-wise and most high schoolers and college-aged kids here couldn't find work, much less the adults. I didn't blog much about my oldest son's experiences - one job was utterly awful where he was dropped off in an residential area miles away on the hottest day of the year trying to generate leads for a home improvement company. He had no water bottle and walked to a park hoping to find a water fountain and there wasn't one. I was out of town and he was staying with my girlfriend when he called me 230 miles away. I told him to ask for a drink of water at someone's house. It was a miserable experience but this kid stuck it out and was never paid - he was taken advantage of. He had no idea he was going to be dropped off like that and the adult with him was irresponsible to do so without advising him and providing water.<br /><br />With football season ended, he has applied all over with no interest in hiring him - his gorgeous girlfriend also lost her job and has not been hired including Victoria's Secret with an advertised opening which she would have been perfect at. These are two cream of the crop high school kids - popular and good looking being passed over or not given opportunities because there are no openings. <br /><br />I did think about trying to sell knitted potholders but have never considered an indoor greenhouse because I have a black thumb for indoor plants. Do you have to have window and sun exposure? What is the cost of something like this? I do my best creatively to come up with edible bean recipes my sons will tolerate eating. And that to me counts for something!Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-21885306331022085312010-12-01T10:10:31.320-08:002010-12-01T10:10:31.320-08:00P.S.S. Have you decided whether you are going to ...P.S.S. Have you decided whether you are going to the knitting group? I do hope so, you would be a wonderful asset to the group!BAKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05803604495540272613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-39430315147005728232010-12-01T10:07:47.529-08:002010-12-01T10:07:47.529-08:00Dear Friend: Wow, I am a shocked at what has been...Dear Friend: Wow, I am a shocked at what has been written. This is YOUR blog and you may share what is going on in your life. I have been amazed at your resiliency in the most difficult of situations. You work at a very demanding job, you find creative ways of supplying the needs for your family, you care deeply for your sons and what's best for them, all on top of the grief and loss you have sustained. Those who have not gone through the loss of a spouse cannot get it, the struggle that goes on, even years out. Sometimes it is harder as time goes on than easier. I think you have done an amazing job and what is even more admirable is that you keep going, one foot in front of the other. Everyone can offer their ideas as to how to deal with a situation, but until you have lived it, advice can sometimes be useless. You keep sharing and don't let others' tactless comments get to you. I admire your spunk and your determination. You ARE going to make it! <br /><br />P.S. Life is not a Hallmark movie!BAKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05803604495540272613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-57572708686124957302010-12-01T07:54:47.337-08:002010-12-01T07:54:47.337-08:00Although I do not agree with the harshness of the ...Although I do not agree with the harshness of the original A post, I suppose I can agree with the gist of the message. I read your blog as often as I am able, along with other blogs. I, too, am always hopeful that there is some creative improvements to your and your boys' situation. A couple of things I had thought you might have touched on would be an indoor greenhouse of sorts to grow some fresh vegetables for your family. Or reading about your sons needing money and shoes for school activities, I was hoping you would share that they had seasonal jobs or even part time jobs to help out. I cannot remember if you were able to get a job or not, but even so your boys are old enough that you could take an extra seasonal or part time job yourself. Not ideal I'm sure, but desperate times call for desperate measures.<br /><br />I do appreciate you sharing the plight of the hungry in our country. It is very sad indeed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-16147087154031969402010-12-01T07:07:57.644-08:002010-12-01T07:07:57.644-08:00ARB - You said it very well. I have to admit I wa...ARB - You said it very well. I have to admit I was curious why you would read this blog and thank you for explaining that. The funny thing is, I really thought I was doing a better job of trying to be more upbeat and "happy" in my circumstances. Thank you again for your own honesty and kindness.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-3362951871505605512010-12-01T06:38:17.946-08:002010-12-01T06:38:17.946-08:00People have different kinds of temperaments, and s...People have different kinds of temperaments, and some people have a tendency to get infuriated by other people who don't think/behave similarly to how they would. (I suffer from this myself a little, and that's one of the reasons I like to read blogs about the experiences of others... to put myself in others' shoes and to imagine a different kind of life without judgment and with compassion. I also get that from literature.)<br /><br />This poster wants some sort of Hollywood ending and is impatient that it isn't happening, and that you aren't somehow inspiring him/her in the way he/she wants to be inspired. To him/her I say: plenty of sappy fiction out there with one-dimensional heroes and tearjerker endings. Here is a person reporting truthfully on her reality, warts and all, so either appreciate her honesty and acknowledge and respect that each human being has their own unique way of interacting with the world, for better or for worse....or stop reading. --ARBAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-64654181385813036482010-12-01T04:43:47.707-08:002010-12-01T04:43:47.707-08:00Seventies Girl - I appreciate your comment and I a...Seventies Girl - I appreciate your comment and I agree that all of us are entitled to our opinions. However, My own jaw dropped at the insensitive harshness of A's reply to me. I've sometimes disagreed with how other widows are handling their grief or where they are in their process but would never leave such a disparaging comment on their blogs, knowing that their lives are already painful enough.<br /><br />One thing I have learned through all of this is that we are all too quick to judge. And that kindness and compassion far outweigh our pointing fingers and shaking our heads. A word of encouragement while stating one's opinion goes so much farther.<br /><br />If anything, A. reminded me of my own humanity and gave me the courage to try and be more kind to others, especially during this season. So I can thank her for that.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-36687254820587374312010-12-01T04:06:42.851-08:002010-12-01T04:06:42.851-08:00Apparently your post really triggered something in...Apparently your post really triggered something in Anonymous but please remember this is their problem, not yours. It takes a certain kind of cowardice to comment on a blog like that so I am guessing it's highly unlikely Anonymous will take the time to learn anything from their negativity. You are very brave to share yourself the way that you do. We, as readers, are entitled to our opinions, but we absolutely must respect each other and move on when we can no longer learn anything from the blogs that we visit. Keep your chin up! There are readers who care! -Seventies GirlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-61273097982478024812010-11-30T20:53:24.824-08:002010-11-30T20:53:24.824-08:00A - If you make a comment like this it would be ap...A - If you make a comment like this it would be appreciated if you might advise how exactly I am supposed to be dealing with my life as you see it? What bothered you so much about this post and who are you to pass judgment? By all means stop reading my blog if it upsets you so much.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-85259281512459983782010-11-30T20:20:14.067-08:002010-11-30T20:20:14.067-08:00My jaw dropped reading this post. I do have to sto...My jaw dropped reading this post. I do have to stop reading your blog - I read it because I keep thinking you will get your act together or something magnificent will happen to you and want to hear you happy and settled. I now know that that will never happen. You won't allow it. No one owes you a damn thing. You got the short straw in life, that is a horrible thing but it is even more horrible how you have dealt with it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com