tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post7526415605542228971..comments2024-03-06T03:23:51.904-08:00Comments on Surviving Middle-Aged Widowhood: Fantasy vs. RealityWidow in the Middlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-34356572176936630242010-03-01T10:18:23.138-08:002010-03-01T10:18:23.138-08:00Hi -- that career counselor definitely did NOT sou...Hi -- that career counselor definitely did NOT sound like a good fit for you. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience ... forgive me if you've explained this already, but was he your only choice in a counselor? Could you choose someone else who might be a better match? A good career counselor can really set you in the right direction, but a not-so-good one (as you've seen first-hand) can make you feel like you've had a setback in your job search, and I hate to see that happen.CCCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-29122349133878175582010-02-27T17:19:42.148-08:002010-02-27T17:19:42.148-08:00Things here are going fairly well. Everyone has co...Things here are going fairly well. Everyone has come to the conclusion that this may be a lengthy process as Hospice often is. They are going to go back home tomorrow knowing that they will not see him again. They will return for the eventual service.<br />Adding more stress, my own father, whom I am not close to, but he's still my father, is back in the hospital again. My stepmother has called and kept me abreast of all the details. This is also another 'matter of time' situation. Emotionally, though, I am pretty detached. I hope it stays that way. He left when I was 5 and I've had virtually no real relationship with him. It's a feeling very similar to that of losing an acquaintance except for I am related to him. I am a very caring person and if his wife needs my support I am happy to provide. I would do that for anyone. But I am just not attached to the situation.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08967278323581039367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-82198231761509296652010-02-26T14:32:08.088-08:002010-02-26T14:32:08.088-08:00Jude - Thank you as always for your positive encou...Jude - Thank you as always for your positive encouragement. I have never been a high career achiever. That aspect of working isn't important to me. I never expected to have to work as the main bread winner. But here I am and now have to adjust as best I can.<br /><br />Kelly - I did cry when I left the appointment because it is hard to always seem to feel misunderstood and put down. I'm so glad that you agree with me that working the bleachers is silly. When I get in these situations I am polite and respectful. I tried to redirect the meeting many times toward my specific needs. When that wasn't going to happen I gave in and figured I'd try to get the most out of it as possible. But then afterward, I kick myself for not being more verbal and not saying something at the time.<br /><br />Hope everything is going as best it can at your end right now.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-67201458243652911572010-02-25T16:57:44.745-08:002010-02-25T16:57:44.745-08:00Wow, that was quite the meeting. Eegads! I have a ...Wow, that was quite the meeting. Eegads! I have a feeling this guy is a tad out of touch with reality. Jude had a great thought though, what about a temp agency? I too know several people that found permanent work from what started out as a temp job. The employer liked them so much they fired the temp agency and just put them on the payroll. The other good thing about it is you may go to several different places but you get one check from the agency. So in a way you are getting yourself out there and showing off your potential while getting paid.<br />As far as 'working' the bleachers. I almost choked when I read that. Are you kidding me? I can only imagine how embarrassing that would be given the status you have described in your community. Not only that, did the guy ever stop to think how it might make your children feel to have you handing out cards asking for help finding a job at their school functions? He doesn't have a clue. <br />The fact that you stayed and listened for the entire time is incredible. I would have given the guy a piece of my mind and left. But then again, I have no patience for people like that. Wanting to work to help your family survive IS honorable. Anyone suggesting anything less is out of touch with reality and this economy. Maybe that's why he still doesn't have a job? It's great and all that he is volunteering however is he really in a position to be handing out advice when he clearly isn't having success himself? Just playing devil's advocate. It bothers that this guy was talking down to you.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08967278323581039367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-18066593407503463852010-02-25T09:59:06.122-08:002010-02-25T09:59:06.122-08:00i was always asked what my career goals were--when...i was always asked what my career goals were--when I had to go to work--and I always said, "To keep my daughter and I alive." None of those people wanted to hear that. I was supposed to want to achieve being an office manager or accountant or such thing I was not really interested in. I started out with Kelly Services and after two jobs, got hired full time by the company I went in as a temp for. That was back in the late 80's when supposedly we were in an economic depression--which was no where like today's is. I wish you good luck and know exactly the fear you feel in trying to provide a life of mere essentials for you and the boys. Remember my PB&J and popcorn with milk for suppers? I couldn't even get food assistance because I owned my home--a house that was putting me in the hold every month. It has to get better for you--it just has to!!!Judyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03399435237919718544noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-84161933177092931472010-02-25T06:11:55.029-08:002010-02-25T06:11:55.029-08:00You hit the nail totally on the head here. People...You hit the nail totally on the head here. People really don't listen, pay attention or hear. They think and say what they want to. Experiencing grief has put me in the position where this is more apparent. I guess being trained as a counselor to listen impartially and be empathic makes it more frustrating from my end. <br /><br />Sometimes it is okay to just want or need a job. We need different things at various points of our lives. I'm not going to feel down about myself because I'm willing to work a "job" right now and put my "career" on the back burner.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-56417020444287847532010-02-24T23:38:24.158-08:002010-02-24T23:38:24.158-08:00Well, that was quite an experience. I don't b...Well, that was quite an experience. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. It sounds like they are more focused on career, and you are focused on job. <br /><br />Unfortunately, people don't always invest the time to really hear what we are saying. If they can't do this simple thing, how can they begin to help us? You are good to take what you can from this situation, and keep your message clear to them, "I need a job."Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02218009891182171803noreply@blogger.com