tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post4018405880176293638..comments2024-03-06T03:23:51.904-08:00Comments on Surviving Middle-Aged Widowhood: RamblingsWidow in the Middlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-44748736204523656222009-10-11T19:41:55.322-07:002009-10-11T19:41:55.322-07:00Kelly - I have personally found that the perspect...Kelly - I have personally found that the perspective of time has gotten really screwed up for me. I try to live in and focus on the future because it is sometimes too much for me to think ahead and too hard to reflect on the past. But life is a balance between past, present and future so I am trying to better handle all three. <br /><br />I have also just figured out that for me thinking about the future is so hard because I am afraid/fearful of all the bad stuff that "can" happen.<br /><br />About your feelings of panic. I'd just have to say that we all need to trust what our feelings are trying to tell us. If we listen to them, they will lead us to what we need to know. That means sitting with our feelings of anger or panic or fear and seeing where they go. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-57837288009205730062009-10-11T15:51:18.956-07:002009-10-11T15:51:18.956-07:00I have to agree that we do live in a quick-fix soc...I have to agree that we do live in a quick-fix society and I think that is part of the reason that people who are not going through what we are going through want us to hurry up and get over it. It's almost expected that if you can't 'fix' something yourself you will seek someone or something who can 'fix' it for you. That being said, I'm not broken, I'm grieving so I don't need to be fixed. <br /><br />It is a process that you have to go through, you cannot go around it. The problem is that people want to put you on a timetable. There is NO timetable for grief. It's different for everyone. It is a personal experience that has common threads for most individuals. I have yet to me another widow who feels exactly like I do, but there are enough commonalities that we can each take something from each others experiences. <br /><br />Supa, I so agree with you. Time does NOT heal, it only passes and with the passage of time our grief morphs into something different but it still remains. I'm ok with that because I loved my husband so much that I can't imagine NOT grieving his loss.<br /><br />I do at times wonder why I have no interest in the future. I live in the now and do the best that I can do. I am always so thrilled for my friends in my grief group who do find love again. For me, I cannot imagine it. Maybe that is a reflection on my relationship with my husband, I honestly don't feel that I could love anyone else. Yet, when my friends tell me their stories there is a part of me that wishes I too could experience what they are doing. As soon as I catch myself doing that though I immediately find myself saying, no way. There is no way I could see myself with anyone else. It is almost like a panic kind of feeling comes over me. Why is that?Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08967278323581039367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-25421297484737877752009-10-09T12:16:35.786-07:002009-10-09T12:16:35.786-07:00Supa - Forgive me for the spelling typo. I need to...Supa - Forgive me for the spelling typo. I need to be better at proof reading before posting.<br /><br />Another comment - we do live in such a quick- fix society where we believe there will be a cure from a book, program, therapy, group, etc.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-10520147395851872952009-10-09T12:14:02.668-07:002009-10-09T12:14:02.668-07:00Supra - Thanks as always for your insight and pers...Supra - Thanks as always for your insight and perspective. Can I ask you what specific steps you took to improve as many hours each day? I know it will be different for each of us but we can gain from knowing what others do/did. That is the part of this that trips me up - I need some kind of specific road map to follow and there just isn't one! So knowing what others have relied on might spark some of my own ideas as well as using theirs.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-28315329944248246932009-10-09T11:28:17.818-07:002009-10-09T11:28:17.818-07:00A realization that I had, which I recently blogged...A realization that I had, which I recently blogged about, can be encapsulated in this quote (which I only found recently):<br /><br />"Time does NOT heal. It simply passes. What we DO with the time we have determines how & to what extent we heal."<br /><br />The quote is from my Twitter friend Mark Hundley, a grief counselor. You might appreciate his Web site, Awaken to good mourning. There are a lot of gems there.<br /><br />What I did was try to focus on my life as a whole -- not just the day to day, but not just the huge long-term picture either -- and take the steps I needed to improve as many hours each day as I could. <br /><br />Hope this helps. This is NOT easy stuff and there is no secret, especially not one that can be purchased (though antidepressants can be magical).<br /><br />X<br /><br />SupaSupa Dupa Freshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07659738264922395349noreply@blogger.com