tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post1163826696196250034..comments2024-03-06T03:23:51.904-08:00Comments on Surviving Middle-Aged Widowhood: When Pain Crowds Out JoyWidow in the Middlehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-26454915734786900342010-09-12T19:03:44.255-07:002010-09-12T19:03:44.255-07:00Flo, I also enjoy cycling, but it was something I ...Flo, I also enjoy cycling, but it was something I enjoyed before my husband passed away also. I agree that being amongst nature is soothing and life-affirming. My counsellor has a good analogy when it comes to happiness - that you have to fill the bucket with good experiences so you have the reserves to take out when times are tough. So it totally makes sense to me to work on your happiness first before tacking problems that crop up.<br />I've only just started on anti-depressants. How it was explained to me is cutting off the cycle of low mood/low thought processes. So far so good. I think it may be worth considering for you.<br />JulieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-59177579646216461832010-09-10T09:05:35.999-07:002010-09-10T09:05:35.999-07:00Flo - Thank you for your very insightful comments....Flo - Thank you for your very insightful comments. I agree that we are pushed into the hell of fear, pain, and confusion that loss brings at the absolutely worst time for us to face it. And for some of us, we simply lack the strength and resources to move forward. This whole concept of seeking happiness first and then dealing with the pain and loss is so novel to me but it makes sense after all I've been through. I wish I'd had this strategy much earlier. <br /><br />I've tried to stay away from much drinking (even a glass or two) because the boys have had to rely on me as the sole driver, and I've always worried about getting a DUI and totally incapacitating our family. And I suppose because my Mom was an alcoholic, I've worried that I could take it to that level if I started. But a glass of wine now and then sure does sound good. Sometimes I refrain when I'm alone and even know I won't be driving because I'm alone and I suppose part of me thinks it is wasteful to enjoy a glass of wine by myself. But why the heck not at this point? I'm ready to break out the good china anyway. I am finding that it is more wasteful to not do things instead of the other way around.<br /><br />I am at the point where I'm ready to make an appt. w/my doctor to discuss anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds. Again, there is absolutely no harm in checking into them and even trying them out and seeing the outcome. <br /><br />I find it wonderful that you have become a cyclist. I hope I can look back on this period some day and find that I too overcame the obstacles and became something more, developed new talents and interests, and grew in positive ways as you have.<br /><br />Janine - I appreciate your concern and recommendation about checking into meds. I do not consider it stepping on my toes at all, but kindness. I am also aware of the actual changes that occur in our minds during periods of grief, although I'm not sure how well known this is with the general public. It should be.<br /><br />Cape Cod Kitty - I really think that in the end, it comes down to and back to nature. But we have lost sight of that in modern society.Widow in the Middlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01598249263166943162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-84211219506765908212010-09-10T08:33:10.624-07:002010-09-10T08:33:10.624-07:00This is such a beautiful post. Nature feeds one&#...This is such a beautiful post. Nature feeds one's soul like no other resource. Many is the day that a walk in nature, in all its forms, has absorbed my tears of grief, pain, fear, and loss. May it do the same for you.MsGrayseahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09904170938207154612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-79681795499731476452010-09-09T21:05:36.321-07:002010-09-09T21:05:36.321-07:00I SO agree with Flo and have been wanting to say t...I SO agree with Flo and have been wanting to say this for a while, but didn't want to step on your toes.<br />Please talk to your doctor about the benefits of antidepressants. I would not be here if it were not for those meds ..... I can guarantee you that.<br />Not everyone needs them, but what's the harm in looking into it? A chemical imbalance in your brain (which grief VERY often causes) is no different than needing meds for high cholesterol or insulin for diabetes.<br />It's a physical problem .... not a mental one.Janinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00949809367923657970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-738048378012755564.post-60286453862888493072010-09-09T15:54:43.152-07:002010-09-09T15:54:43.152-07:00I was always mystified that for the sake of self i...I was always mystified that for the sake of self improvement I was pressed by others to embrace fear and change, when I had absolutely no resources to do it with. Hello?!? First fill up the tank of happiness. Bravo, Thich Nhat Hanh. <br />I reached for the easiest resource in the overwhelming chaos that was my life after my husband died. A glass of wine or two at the end of a day. I was a little worried that I was enjoying that glass of wine a little too much. I told others about my drinking to keep me accountable on that score. Another invaluable resource I relied on: prescription help in the form of SSRIs (I would encourage you to seek antidepressants from a qualified person with your interests at heart). I then began engaging in healthy pleasures like exercise, which you are doing, too. Good for you. Put yourself first. Fill up your tank.<br />I identify with your needing to build a completely new life from the foundation up. I agree with other posters that addressing one's financial health is first. If we all can be your cheering section, let us.<br />Long story short, 5 years later I 'knew' I had enough inner resources to wean myself off the SSRI's. This is when I really began to experience the rich rewards of skills hard won. I still enjoy my glass of wine at the end of my day. But I've also given myself the gift of health. I have turned into a darn good cyclist. Something I took up after he died. I am strong. I am safe. I am loved by me. I am full'ish'. <br />Hang in there. You are a good woman.Flonoreply@blogger.com